im fragile.either break me or leave me alone.

i'm at a dead end.
it's beyond my control.
it's all in ur hands.
don't leave me hanging.

so u did something.

but not the thing i wanted.
u shut off some of my fears.
but u still dissapointed me.
say i'm selfish. i jus want u.

~don't think about something that has not happened yet....~

that's what people say.

that's what i can't do.

yesterday was torture.

i hardly smiled.

i hardly did anything.

it was like my soul was taken from me.

i failed.

i don't think i ever failed so badly.

i expected too much...

iguessitdoesn'tmatterTHATmuchanymore.

feelingsarefadingfast.

ican'tseemtoholdontoit.

ikeeplosinggrip.

andurnothelpingmucheither.

itkeepsongoingwrong.

maybewewerenevermeanttobe.

ijustneverwantedtoacceptit.

maybeit'stimeishould.

don'tholdonifyoudontmeanit.

ithurts.

notknowingwhat'sgoingon.

tellmeifuwannaletgo.

i'llfeelbetter.

don'tleavemehanging.

nowi'mlost.

3 hours down to

.nothing.

.zero.

.zip.

o.m.g.

=.=

it has not sunk in yet...

shitt..im like so stuck...

cant even think right

O.o

and life bounces up again...(p/s rainbow still M.I.A)

college commenced once again today after 3 looongg weeks of holidays~
can't believe it time passed so fast~

[no more hols for me in a long time]

[it seemed almost forever when i started waiting...]

[and now, HE's back 2moro]

{shhh....but i'm freaking out BIG TIME...}

i got so much to say yet so little....

speechless for now~that's all i gotta say....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~

right now...all 8 AM classes for me.

~i think you've heard me whine enough about my early classes but i really can't help it...-i effin hate it!!

my sleeping pattern is now crapped..

got 4 papers for this sem...

3 teachers-2 known, 1 unknown

the "unknown" is particularly funny but having to listen to her for 3 WHOLE hours becomes a bore after a while~

And her MOST USED WORDS like every 5 mins or so....is.....

yeah.ok.good.thank you.

well, "ur welcome" back at ya like a million times~

today's been a ddrraagggggggggg....it's like going back to high school

even longer actually since it's till 4.30...T.T

and it's such a big change from having 2-4 hours of classes to a FULL day

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

yesterday was teruk~

had 2 wake up early today so obviouosly i had to sleep early

brought myself to bed at 12.30: eyes wide open

toss~turn~toss~turn x10000000...-- *give up*

*stare at ceiling* *dream~*

last time i saw the time:1.20sth

~lala land~~at ??? am~

~1 day more..

well he's back at 9+ pm 2moro...so yea it IS exactly 1 day=24hrs...~

~i.want.to.know.i'll.be.ok~

~♡Sss~

it's been raining too long...i need a rainbow

im pissed...

super duper effin pissed..

tap me on the shoulder now and i'd probably scream at u...

tell me a joke n i'd probably tell ya 2 just shut the fcuk up..

yea...im THAT pissed

and moody too...

well, actually most probably i'd just cry...

either way; it isn't good..

Last week till today has been shitt..

This week will prob only be a teensy weeny bit better even though it was supposed to ROCK! since HE'S comin back...

Coz all the crap i had to go through last week was so much that it's overflowing to this week thus affecting the BIG EVENT; BIG TIME!

its ok if u dun understand what im sayin...

i don't know how to tell my story or who to tell it to.

i just want it to pass.

meanwhile, i guess all i need a trustable shoulder to lean on.

the one i had since forever hurt me too much.

"together; we'll wait it out, u & me. come back soon."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

~was talking to mellie earlier....
mellie:u should put all that bad energy somewhere else
chyi:omg..i should take up KICKBOXING~!
*hmm....not a bad idea...thinking about it...with all the hate i have, i might be really good at it"

i don't wana cry anymore.

too many tears have gone to waste.

i need to be ok.

i hate being in my situation now.

i guess it all depends on me.

i'm one from two that can fix this.

i can. i will.

have faith.

help me?

-

-

im sick

*sniff*

college is startin 2MORO~!!!

*sniff*sniff*

~2 more days and 1 isn't very far away

::scared yet happy at the same time??~

im not so sure myself::

-im just blank-

~♡Sss~

so near yet so far..

♥

♥

20 days to mua birthday~!!!!

♥

♥
3 days & counting down to none..
♥

♥
Weeee~~~

~♡Sss~